Im Back from Peru!!

Just a quick post here and may have more time to go into detail later. here are some awesome things that happened while in Peru:
-I got oatmeal flour thrown on my head
-I played softball
- the boys got amazing christmas gifts
-we wrapped bibles with plastic wrap so they were semi-laminated to not get soggy and fall apart from humidity
-the men on the trip killed a rat eating Puerto Alegria's food
- I ate a grubworm (suri)
-I played soccer on a muddy field and fell 5 times before I could make it 1/2 way across the field
- We took the boys to the zoo and we saw two jaguars fight
- Alexander called a guy on our team a white monkey
- Barcelona was my nickname
-we did work on the railing outside the comodor of puerto alegria and fixed some floor boards and also built a bookshelf thing for the food storage room
-a guy on our team who was quite big got the nickname "Papa Noel" (santa clause)
- we got firecrackers thrown AT us
- alexander told me the true meaning of Christmas in spanish
- We painted the older boy's building yellow and blue
- I have never eaten cereal with watery yogurt instead of milk until this trip...it was good
- I got dehydrated and was sick for 2 days
- the boys showed us their favorite scriptures
-I saw "Wreck it Ralph" and "life of Pi" in spanish
-jacobo saved me from a falling tree limb...yeah...he's 9.
-we ran over these people's fishing nets and they were MAD
- we went to the new land and saw the soccer field we worked on...looks awesome!!
- me and stiver sang worship songs together at the zoo
- I probably inhaled way too many paint thinner fumes
- my feet swelled up twice their size and I couldn't wear any of my shoes besides flip flops
- I had 98% deet mosquito repellent and STILL got eaten alive.
- God showed me that Mission work is hard physically, mentally, and spiritually...yet so incredibly worth it.
- I drank over 3000ml of water trying to get rehydrated
- I rode in a motor taxi several times, super fun
- swam in the river as a form of bathing (also super fun!)
- totally won a tug of war challenge
   these are only a few things.

A quick update

So I have been working on the blogging about my adventures in the jungle, but I have not had time to finish them (they are long with lots of stories) because....IM GETTING READY TO GO BACK!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yall don't know how EXCITED I am. I leave exactly two weeks from today. Pray for me, for our team, for a safe trip, for the boys. Also pray that I survive this break because we have a lot of work to do for nursing school over the break and I really hope to get it all done. Also pray God give me peace about a decision I have been trying to make lately.

If I had a year to live...

This is a list of things I would want to do if I had knew I only had 1 year to live

-quit school immediately
-put together a feast and invite the poor
- give away all my things
- work to get enough money to buy a plane ticket to travel and spread the gospel
-love people like I have never experienced before
- serve people
-wash the feet of the poor
-learn to pray in different languages
-learn to preach the gospel in different languages
- worship God with people around the world
- take risks for Jesus and not look back
-cook for a whole village
- sleep on a concrete floor
- live out of a backpack
- pray over the sick
- worship on a rooftop
- walk the streets, praying for random people (prayer walk)
- fast, giving away all the food I would have eaten that day
- learn to live with Jesus not in a box
- go skydiving (just because)
-sing and dance with orphans
-swim with dolphins
-help at least one of my family members to go with me and see what I am seeing and experiencing
- neve use the words "I don't have time" again when asked to serve someone
- obtain a nickname
- celebrate Christmas with the poor
- watch the sunset
- take pictures and send them (and stories) to everyone I know
- go rock climbing
-hike up a mountain
- give away my last pair of shoes
- learn to french braid
- be one of those people who has to get an extra 10 pages on their passport
- not complain
-read the ENTIRE bible
- be able to teach women about Jesus and get them a bible in their translation
-sing from songs of Worship from a mountain top
- live for his name and his renown



the question that haunts me after a list like this is "what is stoping you from living this today?"

Bitterness, Singleness, and All the Grace In Between

Some lies we believe in the bitterness of a breakup... (Be prepared for grammatical errors that will make my senior english teacher scream!) 

1) Time will heal:
  
       In theory, this sounds good and seems to "work" most of the time...but let's examine what really happens. This also goes hand in hand with "If I ignore them for a long time, I'll be over them". Is time really healing you? Or are you just trying to let enough time pass to where so many new things happen to you that you have to really think to relive the events that lead to the break-up (be it bad or mutual). I am so guilty of this myself. And how silly of us to even set little time goals where we think "Okay...by 6 months from now, I will be over him/her and everything will be okay", and just to be honest, how many of us actually plan on earnestly seeking God through this set time? I could be wrong, but to me that sounds so prideful to say "okay, by this time next year, I will be all better and ready to date again" (which there are more things wrong with this statement that we will cover later), then after a year of distractions, realize none of the issues were solved by merely waiting in idleness. This may not be our intention, but it is as if we are saying "Ok God, I have set aside this much time to get over him/her, make it happen". May I state the reality that we are on GOD'S watch...not our own. I understand that some of our intentions are to really seek God through the bitterness,hurt, and anger..but if that is really our goal then it should not matter how much time that takes. Usually our goal behind the goal with a time limit is to get back out in the dating arena and give it another try. Our healing is in God's hands, not set on a timer.

2) If I say "I'm sorry" I will officially be over them:

      This is a good STEP in the right direction. May I be the one to point out that just because you say "I'm sorry" does not mean you have apologized. We train preschoolers to say the exact same phrase after punching a kid out on a playground for stealing their crayons, but do they understand the meaning? no. And sometimes we don't as well. If you are not ready to apologize, that is, if you are still holding on to bitterness for that person, do not even try to apologize. Also if your apology has the word "but" in it, you are not ready to apologize. Even if you are at a point where you can tell the other person this phrase, the other person may not be at a point where they want to hear it, especially if you chose to use this phrase. The simplicity and cliche-ness of "I'm sorry" doesn't mix well with a vat of boiling mixed emotions. [If you are a guy: saying you are sorry (and leaving it at that) 3 days after the break up sends signals to the girl that you have not had time to think and reflect on what happen, yet you just don't want to deal with any emotions and are trying to make quick amends to avoid internal conflict.] Your apology to that other person starts with humbling yourself before God. Bring all the anger, bitterness, and hurt with you because you'll need it to understand and have 1/100,000,000,000,000 of an empathetic thought of how God feels when we sin against him. All the "They don't deserve my forgiveness. They cheated. They lied. They manipulated me. They wanted me for the wrong reasons. They didn't appreciate me. They left me out in the cold. They completely faked their feelings for me. How can I forgive them? They are going to have to do something BIG to earn my forgiveness..they are going to have to PAY for me to even see them in a good light. Its going to take me a LONG time to trust them again. Its going to take me a LONG time to forgive them " yet what did God do? He sent us Jesus. We have done all of the above and more to sin against God (we are good at it), yet he says "No, its done. it's paid for." by sending his son Jesus Christ (who lived a sinless life) to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. And by grace (undeserved favor) through faith (putting your trust and belief in Jesus Christ as your savior) his righteousness is imputed to us, we are forgiven and blameless in God's sight, and we live eternally to worship him, to the Glory of God alone. Forgiveness is not accepting an apology. It's recognizing you have been wronged and being willing to love that person passed their trespasses.I will be the first to admit that it is hard to forgive those we feel sinned against us, but until we understand, I mean really understand this reality of the gospel, it is nearly impossible if not all the way impossible to truly forgive. After this realization is when our apology begins to lengthen and we are able to humble ourselves before God and the other person and realized we are not the victim, but the transgressor. 

3) The goal of working through these issues is to be over that person so I can date again

         If this is your goal, stop dating. (just kidding!). But seriously, if this is the goal, what are we living for? What are we really after? Are we just wanting a spouse, thinking they are the other half that is everything good about us? That would be Jesus. Don't get me wrong here. I am not saying that wanting a spouse is wrong in any way. God wired you for it, its okay for men to want wives and for women to want husbands. I am saying though that our identity is in Christ, which means every single aspect about our lives including marriage should revolve around Christ. In the time we have where we are not committed to someone, that is our time God has blessed us to grow in our faith. If we are not earnestly seeking to know God, there is no sanctification.  If all we want is another shot at dating, especially with that cutie in class or at work, we are after the wrong thing. If we want a God glorifying marriage, then we have to understand we are just going to find someone by letting time past, drifting around. God is sovereign, he knows what a God glorifying marriage looks like, he knows WHEN to you are ready. (and its not when we are running around like a kid on halloween, dressed up like someone we are not saying "gimme gimme gimme").  The goal of working through the issues and emotions is to understand your finiteness and God's GREATNESS. To understand where we went wrong in treating his son or daughter. To understand how to love people when they are not ours. To learn to be a really good forgiver. To learn to humble ourselves and own up to our stupidity. To learn that no one we find will be perfect and expecting perfection is putting them in a place in your heart where only God belongs. To learn to treat someone like you want someone else to treat your future spouse. 


Singleness
        It's nothing to be afraid of. Some of us have convinced ourselves we will go crazy if our relationship status on facebook hits 'single'. If you are one of these people and you know it, stop it. You are using people to fill a void where they do not belong. But don't be scared, I have been here, and so have many other people. We are searching. We love those puppy love feelings, its kind of like a dare devil after an adrenaline fix. Here are some things we often don't factor in with the singleness phobia: 1) people have feelings. 2) people aren't perfect. 3) God may want me to be single for a while. 4) I have something personally or spiritually to work on in myself. 5) Just because that person has feelings for me doesn't mean they need me right now. 6) I am not the cure to all loneliness in the singles universe.
Seriously...visit any American middle school and see this for yourself.. it just gets more ridiculous as time goes on. There is a common misconception in our culture that if you are alone, that means you are alone for a reason. Either, you are weird, girls/guys don't like you, etc. This is only a misconception (not necessarily true). Singleness is a GIFT. It doesn't seem like it to us because we associate it with "loneliness" which is mostly due to hormones in the ages of 13-17(sometimes longer). Let's think logically for a sec. Let's think of the absolute BEST and Critically thought out reasons we should continually date, one relationship after another. 1) get to practice being a good significant other. 2) not lonely. 3) always have someone to spend money on for Valentines day. 4) always have a date to a dance/prom/movie. 5) get to know new people. If anything, these are probably some of the BEST answers for continual dating. Now lets tear these answers up. 1) are we REALLY going to use other people to "practice" being a good spouse. Using their emotions, and sometimes their bodies (in sin) which are NOT ours? Many guys tend to get over this pretty easily (not all) but for most girls and some guys this leaves serious emotional scaring, trust issues, and insecurity. Don't be this person. 2) this feeling of loneliness is often mistaken for idleness. We think just because we don't have something to do or somewhere to go we are lonely. We could be using this time to pray, read scripture, pray more, journal, fellowship with other believers, serve other people, etc. The good thing about being single is that you can take a year long mission trip to Africa and not be distracted by missing someone, your time can be devoted to God. (not saying that going to africa for a year without your spouse is bad, just really really tough).  3) really? You buy an oversized stuffed animal and a necklace and that is why you need to be in a relationship? where could that money go? to feed someone? My sponsored child's family in Haiti could really use a goat right now and I am whining because I need someone to spend my money on for the "holiday of Love"...if you don't see that huge gaping hole of ignorance there keep rereading until you understand. 4) I totally went to my senior prom dateless and I am living and breathing to tell the tale. It was still awesome.  movies are still good even when you watch them by yourself. 5) If we want to get to know people..often the best time to do that is by serving them, praying for them, even if it's a complete stranger.   We are not put on this earth to fall in love with a person, we are put on this earth to Know, Love, Obey, and Exalt Jesus Christ, married or single. It is by grace he allows us time to grow as a single person living for God. He opens our eyes to see his grace and his glory which in itself is grace. Grace upon grace upon  grace upon grace upon GRACE. 


consider this a reference for all singles out there. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVK5N4A9R-E

Does it bother you?

I just have to ask....

In a society so self-centered, we don't understand what is out there. 
does it even bother you??...
that within 500 yards, at least 6 families are near us
yet we don't have the common courtesy to say "hi"
see how they are doing, ask how their son's cancer is.
does it bother you...
that our culture is becoming more and more afraid of
face to face communication
that we tell people to their face that we will talk about it later...via email/text message
I am not condemning these luxuries, as they are a blessing in many ways
but they are not a replacement for human presence
does it even bother you...
that you and I spend enough money on gas in 2 weeks to feed a family of 7 for 2 months
that our houses are not as big as Bill Gates's yet could fit many more homeless people in them on cold winter nights
that the food in our pantry can stock a soup kitchen
does it bother you...
that since the day we were born  our life has been planned out to fit the system of a culture that is person centered
that everyone follows a pattern that has been so planned out that modern psychology built theories on it
that this system has been so drilled in our minds that we made a board game out of it, with everyone ending up in the same place....retirement
does it bother you...
that the ultimate goal of our society is to get an education, work all your life so you can earn money to relax yourself to death when you are old
that our children are afraid to live out the life they are called because it's a disturbance in the system
that something MIGHT be done out of order or not done at all brings tears to their eyes and worry to their face
does it bother you...
that our dogs eat more than most children outside America do
that our closet is full of clothes that we may only wear once or twice
that our kids cry because they are given the wrong flavor of ice cream while other children have never seen ice cream
does it bother you...
that we go to the doctor for a cold when many can't afford to go to the doctor for cancer
that we gladly drink water from we have available in our HOUSE while many walk miles to get water that may make them sick or kill them
that we live within 2 minutes driving distance of a store yet we chose to drive
does it bother you...
that the need of others is exposed, revealing their hurt, brokenness, stories from their personal lives and all we do is critique it and criticize 
that we are more likely to correct someone on secondary issues in their theology before we are to help them watch their kids while they go visit their mother in the hospital
that when we are challenged to help people, we mock and nit pick the challenger, missing the point completely
does it bother you...
that we can get what ever kind of food we want, when we want it, and how we want it cooked
that the cost of this computer I am blogging on could build a house for a family
that we are afraid to live, to love, to surrender 
does it bother you...
that people are more concerned with exposing a particular presidential candidate than exposing the people who put their sisters into sex slavery
that we don't care enough
that we are so caught up in our lives, our time, our money, that we don't see nor understand that none of it is ours
does it bother you...
that we are afraid to not get the applause
that we are afraid to live for a greater purpose, something bigger than ourselves
that most people don't realize their own selfishness
does it bother you...
that our parents have spent their whole life searching and chasing yet STILL don't know what this life has to offer
that our parents are indeed not the best source of wisdom and guidance 
that when they day is over, you lay your head on a pillow while millions other lay their heads on dust
does it bother you...
that your children may grow up and fall into the same cycle, chasing dreams and things that will never satisfy 
that nothing we do will ever matter if it isn't about loving God or loving his people
that with this system we have deemed a route to success is indeed a waste of our lives
does it bother you...
that it DOES bother you, yet you chose to do nothing about it
that we continue to go to church every sunday, talk about living radically, yet are too afraid to leave the system to live it out
that you may go through life and never know what it is like to live and love radically

does it even bother you?? 
I just had to ask. 


If you read this as a personal good deed check off list, you don't get it. It's not about what we do. It's about who we trust in.

God Don't Owe Us Anything pt 4

It was nice to rest...But its even nicer to get up!!

     The Lord blessed us in that no cockroaches bothered us in our sleep (that we know about). One teammate on the other hand, was not so blessed. He had one fall on his face in the middle of the night!! He woke up and had them crawling in his peanut butter crackers he brought. These are not little bitty roaches..these are JUNGLE roaches! They are big-FAT-make-your-skin-crawl roaches!! But that is just part of the deal! Lovely I know... 

Onward to Work...sort of. 

We ate our breakfast and got ready just like the day before. Extra bug spray today. It rained again last night and was still raining this morning!! Today was the day we were suppose to spread the grass seed for the boys' soccer field, the most important element of the home (kidding!). We looked out from our breakfast room at the land... oh boy. Tyler went to go check but we could even see with our eyes that it was going to be WAAAYY too muddy to work. Kristen stood and announced that it would be fine and that we would spend the morning praying for the boys. We broke off into groups and spread out all over the lodge. This really opened out eyes to the need, the goal of Not Forgotten. It opened our eyes to see that our peruvian brothers needed our prayers, our time, and most of all needed Christ. We were able to see how much love Christ has for us and how much love we have for the boys because we want to worship and honor God alongside with them.  We want them to grow up and be Godly men and impact their city in a way it has never been impacted before. 

Okay...now its time for PHYSICAL work!
YAY! the rain stopped and it was time to get out there and get as much as we could done! We grabbed our water bottles and headed out to the land. When we got there, we saw about 2 or 3 giant piles of damp soil that we were suppose to spread. we had about 3 wheel barrels going down a slippery hill to dump on the soccer field and some people were falling and our method was not getting much done. As americans, we always liked the assembly line idea, so this is what we did: We had many buckets being filled with dirt and passed back and forth and at the same time had someone wheeling a wheel barrel of dirt to be spread. I was a spreader. A bulldozer moved some of the dirt closer to the field so we wouldn't have to travel so far, but it was beginning to get stuck in the mud, so it could not go any further. We did as much as we could before it was time to shower, eat and get ready to see the boys again. We got about 1/4 of the field done. My back was killing me, but little did I know, it wasn't as much muscular pain as the lovely pain associated with a Kidney infection ( I would later find this out when I got back to the states). 

An Evening in the city...
Other than the French market in New Orleans, I have never been to a market before. This was the real deal. I loved it. We looked around the small stands filled with nic nacs and all sorts of stuff. There was a tarantula framed in a picture. I told the lady working the stand " No me gusta tarantula. ahhh!" (I don't like tarantulas. AHH!) and she laughed and smiled and showed me the framed giant moth they had. I smiled and said "Bonita, pero no gracias. Me gusta estos braceletes" (pretty, but no thank you. I like these bracelets). She showed me and told me how much they cost and i bought one or two. I love bracelets. We were here to kill time before going to the boy's center. I came across this booth where a man painted and sold his paintings. He was VERY good. My little sister is also a very talented artist. I knew she would love something like this. I bought her a painting of the river for 10 soles.  We just walked around for the next half hour. We showed up at this lady's store where she was selling some headbands. We asked how much they cost and commented that they were very pretty. She let us try them on and laughed and smiled at us enjoying ourselves. She told us we looked pretty, and we bought the headbands. I left my sunglasses on the table and walked out of the store un knowingly leaving them. She tried to call me back but I did not hear. A few moments later I realized I left them, she met me halfway as I was returning back and gave me my sunglasses. The lady was very very sweet and so full of joy. 

     We all met back near the bus and got ready to go into the city to another market. We all took  a group picture some on the bus some standing outside the bus. Then we loaded up and headed into the city. We got off at a street corner and immediately drew attention. We were instructed not to give money to the beggar children, but if we had any extra food or water, give that to them. Immediately, the cutest little boy and his baby brother ran up to us and tried to sell us popcorn. I had left my water on the bus that I wanted to give away. Men whistled at us and called us pretty. we just kept walking. We walked to this place where you can look out and see the amazon river. It was beautiful. After taking pictures, we walked to the Amazon market. We looked in all the neat little shops. It was here that I found a tshirt for my niece, Kiley. I was trying to get all the gifts for my family right now and keep them small because there would be no room for them in my backpack. 
  We ate at this place that served american diner food, only in my opinion they do it better in peru. the diner was open and people could walk in because there were no doors. The children came back begging to buy popcorn again. some teammates sitting close to the street gave them some food. We attracted some other people as well. When we were finished it was finally time to see the boys for the last time before we went into the jungle. 
   ...Wait..you were coming?

so we arrived at the boys center...and they totally didn't know we were coming. They were shocked and most of them just getting home from school. We all spent that night making bracelets, playing games and such just as we usually did. It was great. I got to know some other boys. We also played charades and joked around. It was great fun. 
   After we left, it really hit Dominique and I that we were not going to get to see them again for a long time, and so we cried on the bus ride home. We listened to music to try to stop crying, but we were silent in our thoughts. Everyone was a little bit quieter at the hotel that night. Most talk was about how we were going to miss the boys so much. Some tried to get it off their minds and look forward to going to the jungle the next day. 
    I got my things packed (well, whatever was laying out that could be packed). So far, no cockroaches were in my bag and I wanted it to stay that way. As I was getting ready for bed, I was reflecting on our time with the boys that night and what we prayed for that morning. It was then when everything started to click. I started to understand and long for these boys to KNOW Christ and to grow up as Godly men. 

Stop watching life, and live life

I am guilty of being an observer....

Most people say I am quiet; that they never hear much from me. The truth is I'm not shy, I am just watching. I love to watch people's behaviors, how they react to things, what they do. I am constantly assessing people. Not to say I am constantly negatively judging people, because I am not, I'm just trying to figure them out. I do not necessarily pay attention to words because actions speak louder. You may say that if you won the lottery, you would give it all to charity, but if 28 million dollars ended up in your bank account tomorrow, we will only know if you meant what you said by what you do. 
   I always try to critically think through my options. If they are wise decisions or not, if they are a "safe move", if it is a realistic goal are things I consider. But have you ever thought of this as sin?  Up until recently I have not. You see sometimes by observing, I miss out on what is going on around me. I am too busy watching other people and trying to analyze the excitement going on around me that I do not even participate. 
    The thought just hit me the other day to stop analyzing other people's behavior and enjoy the people, enjoy the setting, and enjoy God. He puts me in a place of rejoicing and excitement and what do I do? I watch other people celebrate and be happy. Not saying that this curiosity is wrong, but I am just trying to stress that enjoying others and celebrating with them is a gift. When we do that, we think "My great God! he is so wonderful, he has all of us connected here together and we are full of heart-felt joy for knowing each other and knowing you -individually and collectively!" The enjoying of people should lead to the enjoying of God who created those people. So I urge myself and others like myself...to live in the joy of today, in worship of the creator, and stop watching it.